hi

i am a single mother. i came to Spain last September with my 6 year old son, and i have sole parent responsibility. At present we both feel happier living in Spain as i also met a new partner. My ex wants to see his son and i told him he is welcome to come to Spain to visit him. But he insists that i should bring his son to him to the UK. i offered to pay part of his travel, and he still does not want to come. he keeps creating all sorts of excuses such as he is scared of flying or he does not like to travel on his own, or he does not have enough money..etc. i find it difficult to travel with my son as i can not afford to pay two tickets. Does anyone know the law with regard to this issue? (by the way, we weren’t married before)

thanks
nada

Nada…

I don’t think he has any legal right of access either here or in the UK if you have sole parental responsibility.

Gut reaction is that you should tell him to get lost.

If he is that desperate to see his son then there are many options open to him in the way of transport, coaches operate from London to all parts of Spain and so do trains. Just needs a bit of initiative to sort out the details but judging by his pathetic excuses, initiative probably isn’t one of his strong-points.
Again gut reaction is that he probably has some ulterior motive for getting you and your son back to England. You certainly should not consider giving him any financial assistance to come to Spain.

If you, your son and your new partner are happy and settled here, just get on with your lives.

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Dear Fb

Thank you very much for the reply! you made me feel better. i have been worried so much as every week his solicitor sends me long
letters, and it is making me have sleepless nights. Well, his solicitor said that if i come to the UK, he would go to court and apply for
parent responsibility. He did nothing for the child in the past 7 years other than sending presents for Christmas and birthdays. Now he wants me to send him the medical record of his son, which i don’t have myself. i guess he wants to use it as a proof that he cares for the health of his son.
But i am not sure if obtaining parent responsibility is as easy as this. For the past 7 years i have been taking care of the child on my own. i have been teaching him day and night and driving him to his activities, swimming, football, theatre..etc. This year being in Spain it was really hard helping him with Spanish and English at the same time. And now my ex just wants to go to court to take parent responsibility so that he stops the child from coming with me to Spain. i don’t understand that when he can very easily come to see him and enjoy himself with him in the sunshine. i don’t think he can or wants to care for him. He only wants to mess up my life.
so i have decided not to go to the UK..
thanks again for your help!
nada

If your Ex/father of your son is that interested - he will come to Spain.
As for the other stuff.  Suggest your Ex contact The Jeremy Kyle show.
He will sort him out! 😉

Hi
you are right!
thanks for the suggestion. That’s a good one! i will mention it to his solicitor.
nada

PS - Nada… Not that you both came to Spain and he left (but thinking maybe the father wasn’t present for a long time before he started demanding things???)))...

If you are a resident in Spain, the law is very strong towards the family. If a father leaves for whatever reason, he is seen as ‘deserting’ the child (and wife) and has very little rights thereafter. 

I know perhaps this doesn’t totally cover your situation, but if you were a redsident here and showed that you have looked after your son alone due to desertion (which sounds likely as you had sole parental responsibility sorted before you even came her), then if your husband took up argument with a solicitor/the courts here - things might go very much in your favour 😉

hi

Yes, i had sole parent responsibility before i came to Spain. This will be my 8th year. if the court would question his lack of responsibility during this time that would be , i hope, in my favour. But he wants to use his giving of presents during Christmas and birthdays as his contribution for parent responsibility. Right now, that’s what the solicitor told me he wants to do. But all my friends give presents to my son during these occasions. i thought as a father he should have done more..

i read that the court takes into account the best interests of the child. i don’t know how this is decided. but i hope the court does not just sympathise with the father as he is scared of flying or does not have enough money and decide that the child goes back to the uk so that his dad can walk two steps to see his son…

Nada,
I am not familiar with the law in the UK, but isn’t the father legally obliged to pay for his childs upkeep regardless of his circumstances? (Child services agency?).... Perhaps that is why you were also given sole responsibility, as you are fulfilling (more than!) your obligations.  I am sure just Xmas and birthday presents doesn’t count.  A child is an ongoing responsibility for 18yrs! (Plus!)...

Here in Spain I know they have the same that when a couple seperate/divorce, then the parent who has left still has to pay for their childs upkeep. (I had a Dutch friend who tried to chase for child support payments from her Ex husband - but as he went back to Holland she didn’t have much luck and she wrote it off in the end. The father tried to get back into the childrens lives after a 6yr ‘break’, but she left it to the children to decide if they wanted to see their father (they were now in their teens) plus he would have had to pay all expenses if he wanted them to go to Holland rather than if he visited them here 😊 
(Think in the end, they didn’t see him - as he wouldn’t even find the money for that).

Not easy, but keep asking your friends what they think and I am sure you will do what is best for you/your son.

Best wishes,
SJ

Quick point here is that if he cant afford to come out here how the hell would he support a growing child? Hells bells, airfares these days to / from Spain are cheaper than getting a bus in some parts of England and definitely cheaper than actually getting to the airport!
Stick to your guns, he hasn’t a cat in hells chance, he knows it, his solicitor knows it, and they are just trying it on.
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nada - 14 August 2011 01:32 AM

hi

i am a single mother. i came to Spain last September with my 6 year old son, and i have sole parent responsibility. At present we both feel happier living in Spain as i also met a new partner. My ex wants to see his son and i told him he is welcome to come to Spain to visit him. But he insists that i should bring his son to him to the UK. i offered to pay part of his travel, and he still does not want to come. he keeps creating all sorts of excuses such as he is scared of flying or he does not like to travel on his own, or he does not have enough money..etc. i find it difficult to travel with my son as i can not afford to pay two tickets. Does anyone know the law with regard to this issue? (by the way, we weren’t married before)

thanks
nada

brave girl. i think the law is that if he gives a t**s, he should get on a plane and see his son.

Dear Foxbat

You are right! Thank you for your support!
I haven’t heard from him for a month, and I assume he went to court. So I am waiting…

nada