Hi ailsa,
Have lived extensively along the coast from and including Malaga/Gibraltar, and you are obviously spoilt for choice.
Benalmadena is great, but not for anyone wishing to “integrate”. Certainly OK for the British support!!!!
Don’t know if your children will do international/english or spanish schooling, and this in my mind ought to be you starting point. There are obviously many of any of these at very differing qualities and price ranges.
If you are definitely wanting the English community then the Malaga to Marbella end is probably best suited to you. Personally I liked (and still do) Estepona the best which encourages integration, but with plenty of “foreign” input. Within Estepona you can be as Spanish as you like (even with the other expats who also want this) but the English breakfast is not too far away. Of course with Gib. 25 mins away the advantages of actually “being” in England is on your doorstep (Great for cheap and easy financial dealings if you are still tethered to UK).
Hope this helps a bit, and good luck for the future.
Michael